iValerie

[Annawa]

Author's Notes: Originally intended for a "View of the Villain" contest on another site. I don't own iCarly. Includes actual things said in the show.
Summary: The episode iWill Date Freddy from Valerie's POV.
Pairing: Slight Valerie/Freddy. (As much as there was in the episode.)

Prologue: Message from Valerie

People have been asking me to tell my side of the story. Let me tell you this though, my job was the hardest. Making that freak Freddy believe I actually like him. Ugh, if you ask me, that was so hard.

I don’t even see why you people want my side of the story. I mean honestly, who really wants the view of the ‘villain’?

*Sigh* If you really do want my story though, here is what I remember of that day when I pretended to be Freddy’s girlfriend in an attempt to get him to be my tech-producer instead.

Chapter 1: Is Freddy There?

I logged on to iCarly.com, they were doing this new thing called the 'blab cam', and Freddy tried pointing out what it's really called. He's the target of my plan that's about to be set into action. I grinned evilly.

Ugh, I cannot tell you how annoying it was watching that Polish guy. He was speaking words even Freddy couldn't understand.
Finally, Freddy switched to me.

"Hey guys," I said. "I'm Valerie. Long time viewer, first time blab cammer."

They said hello to me, then Carly pointed out I looked familiar.

"Do we know you?" one of them asked.

"Uh yeah, I go to your school," I said. "Hey, is Freddy there? Can I see him?"

"Why would a person want to see Freddy?" Sam asked.

I just wanted to say to her “nobody, the only reason I want to see him is for his 'skills.'” I couldn't say that though, because that would ruin my plan.

Freddy finally came over near the screen saying all cool like, "Right here Valerie."

I just wanted to roll my eyes at him. I held it back though. I forced a believable smile onto my face.

Now was the time, the time to reel him in. My plan was about to begin.

Chapter 2: Can I Go Out With You?

This is it, I thought. Time to real him in.

I then buttered him up with some nice compliments. Eventually I asked if I could go out with him.

When Sam said it was a new feature they called date the dork, I wanted to just laugh and say, “That’s for sure”, instead though I said, “well I don’t think Freddy’s a dork.”

Ick, I cannot tell you how painful that was. Anyway, in the end he said yes.

This was perfect. I had him right where I wanted him.

Later when iCarly was over with I sent out emails to all my friends about how Freddy really was a dork and the only reason I was dating him was because I was trying to crash iCarly and top it with my web show. I mostly just got bad replies but one person was good enough to give me a nice reply. It said:

Oh Valerie, you do have an evil mind. You’re fantastic! This is the perfect plan! Can’t wait to see how it unfolds.

Oh, he’s such a talker when it comes to evil plots, I thought. I might just make him my real boyfriend when I’m done with Freddy.

"Valerie! It's time for your date with that Freddy kid," my mom said.

"Okay mom!" I yelled. I was very frustrated. I was still trying to figure out the kind of outfit to wear at a freak date. I shrugged and put on the girly dress I had never worn.

Sadly, my mom had never let me through the thing out. Guess some things come in handy with an ultimate plot though.

It was time. This date was going to be something. At least, for him it would be. For me it would be nothing until he quit iCarly to join my web show. I would make sure he would do that at school tomorrow.

Chapter 3: The Date

I went to Freddy's apartment. He had said he was staying at Carly's place.

Typical of Freddy; always wanting to stay near Carly.

She can keep him. All I wanted was his tech geek skills for my web show.

I went to Carly's place and knocked on the door.

I could hear Freddy say "it's Valerie!"

I also heard Carly telling Sam to stall. Why stall? What was going on? To this day I still don't know why they wanted to stall.

I think I heard it sometime before Carly told Sam to stall. Yet I don't remember what.

Anyway, so Sam opened the door then slammed it in my face.

I wanted to say, what the heck was that for? I didn't though. My pretend-to-be-nice reputation with these guys had to stay.

A few moments later, Freddy opened the door.

"You're not gonna slam the door in my face are you?" I asked.

"Course not," Freddy said. "Come on in."

He held his hand out like a doorman.

He was so nice. I hated him. Of course as far as he knew, I loved him.

I cannot believe I ever managed to pull off this plan. Well, sort of.
Apparently Carly's weird brother was our waiter. He is even weirder than Freddy. Though I have to admit, his artwork and spaghetti tacos are good.

Seriously though, the first weird thing he did was take my fusa jacket and then just drop it on a couch or something. What was the point of that?

"So, who helps you with all the techy stuff on iCarly?" I asked.

"Nobody, just me," he replied.

"Amazing," I said chewing my food.

It really was amazing, I must admit. It almost made me want to really be his girlfriend. I thought about that for a moment and then realized that would never work. Besides, who would want to think I was in love with a nerd? Seriously, that would never work. It would take away my cool future.

Several moments later, the second weirdest thing Spencer did happen.

"Would you care for some music?" he asked.

"Sure," Freddy and I said together.

Then he turned on this super duper loud rock and roll instrument song. I mean seriously, shouldn't he have known there would be a loud song like that playing? He eventually changed it to a lower volume song.

I was glad when that happened. I thought I would go deaf from it.

I asked Freddy some more questions, then the final weird thing Spencer did happened.

"Would you like to see a desert menu?" Spencer asked.

"Sure," Freddy and I said.

Then he showed his desert 'menu'. However, this 'menu' only had one option; pudding. That was just the start.

"I guess we'll have the pudding," Freddy said.

"I'm sorry we're all out of the pudding," Spencer said.

Ugh. Seriously, if they were out of the only option on the menu, why even show it to us?

Next time we have a date, I thought. Freddy's coming to my house, or we go to his house.

Eventually, the date ended.

Tomorrow, part two of my master plan was going to begin.

Chapter 4: Making Him Change Webshows

The next day, the second part of my plan set into action.

I was at my locker and Freddy walked up to me.

I seriously could not tell you how weird it felt for me to say, "Hey baby."

It was better later though.

"Hey Freddy," I said. "You know how you said how fun it was to do a webshow? I wanna do one."

This was it.

"I know nothing about all the techy stuff though," I said.

Then he agreed to join my webshow.

Now all I had left to do was make him completely quit iCarly.

"We could do one every week starting tomorrow," I said.

"Tomorrow's when I do iCarly," Freddy said.

Of course it is. You think I don't know that? Well think again.

I was slightly frustrated, but I pretended to act disappointed.

"Oh," I said in a believable disappointed voice.

"I'll do it with you any other night," he offered.

"Thanks, but I really want to do it tomorrow," I insisted.

We went through a whole lecture.

Then when I started mentioning Sam, he seemed to be nearly convinced.

"She can't help it, she's naturally vicious," he said.

"Whatever," I said.

Then, he finally agreed to do it.

He later told me he had called Carly and told her he had quit.

My plan was springing into action fast.

Chapter 5: Watching iCarly

I was at home, practicing the next webisode of The Valerie Show.

With iCarly coming on soon, I couldn't wait to see what they would do without Freddy.

He told me he would email or text message Carly instead of telling her in person.

That's perfect. The exact way I would do it. I laughed evilly.

"Valerie!" my mom called, "iCarly starts in seven minutes!"

"Okay, mom!" I shouted.

She annoys me at times. Then again, what person doesn't get annoyed by their parents?

Even grandparents get annoyed by their parents.

Anyway, so I could only picture Carly wondering why the heck Freddy would quit.

I laughed evilly again. This was so much fun.

Seven minutes later, iCarly started. I logged onto iCarly.com and watched.

"In five *sneeze*, four *sneeze*, three *sneeze* two *sneeze*," said some guy at the camera.

"In five four three two one I'm Carly," Carly said fast.

"I'm Sam," said Sam.

"And this is-" she started.

The guy sneezed.

"And this is-"

He sneezed again.

"And this is iCarly," Sam said.

He sneezed again.

They then introduced the guy at the camera.

His face came on the screen and he sneezed on the camera.

"Just wipe it off, Jeremy," said Carly.

I laughed. This was fantastic.

Me taking Freddy away was probably taking viewers away too.

I laughed again. "Hey mom!" I shouted. "Come see iCarly! It's hilarious!"

"I'm busy," my mom said.

"You're always busy when I want you!" I yelled.

"And your point is...?"

Poor mom, she missed the whole webshow.

If she had seen it though, she probably would've laughed as hard as me.

The next day, I was going to get Sam. Then my plan would be complete.

Chapter 6: Sam

The next day felt even better, now, if I succeeded, I would have two people working for me.

I walked up to Sam.

"Hey Sam, I watched iCarly last night," I said. "Yikes."

"I don't need your review, okay," said Sam.

Don't need my review? But I'm one of the viewers, shouldn't my opinion matter?

I later thought up the perfect thing to say.

"Why's it called iCarly?" I said. "Why isn't it Carly and Sam?"

"Freddy thought of the name and we all liked it," said Sam.

If I had been with you, I wouldn't have liked it, I thought.

"If you were part of my web show, I'd call our show Val and Sam," I said. "Maybe even Sam and Val, if you like that."

I had her right where I wanted.

"iCarly's going to crash and burn without Freddy," I said. "And someday we could have the most popular web show. We could knock Carly Shay right off the internet."

This was perfect, I almost had her. Of course, she said she was going to think about it for a while. Oh well. I could wait.

"Oh and don't tell," I said. "We don't want Carly to know about this."

Sam smiled. "I won't."

This was perfect. My plan was working out perfectly.

Chapter 7: Freddy's Visit

It was all going so great, and then it completely went the opposite direction.

Freddy came over to my house.

"Oh, hi Freddy," I said. "Ready to do the show?"

"The show doesn't start until ten minutes," he said.

"Well, then you got here just in time for rehearsal," I said.

"I came here to ask you something," Freddy said.

"Of course, ask away!"

"Did you try to get Sam on your webshow?"

"Yes!"

Freddy looked a bit surprised that I said that.

"Actually, I was wondering if you could get her to do it."

There was a long silence.

Finally, Freddy spoke. "We're done."

"What?" I asked.

"Valerie, I thought you actually wanted me, turns out you were just trying to get me on your webshow so that you could destroy iCarly," he said.

He started walking towards the door.

"But... Freddy... no... Please?" I said.

He slammed the door in my face.

I was sad. My plan had been going so great, but now it was ruined.

I don't really feel like telling the rest of that day because the web show went horrible and my website was eventually torn off the Internet because nothing went right anymore.

So, there you have it. That's the view of the 'villain'.